Today out of all days just had to be Friday the 13th. I woke up to find that I was unable to register due to a fictitious hold on my Bearweb account. Ridiculous. I then realized at lunchtime that I had left my wallet in my car, all the way across campus. At work I totally walked through the studio when a group was filming. I went to purchase jeans at Old Navy to discover that my parents' debit card was expired. Wow. That was a lot more than I thought... only four more hours to get through!
Talking to Meghan today about boys made me start thinking about my situation even more. I haven't been in a serious relationship since March of 2007. It is now almost the year 2010. That has been way too long, in my opinion. Sure, I boast about how I love being single and only having to worry about myself and my own problems, but sometimes it's nice to have someone to talk with all the time, someone to just chill with, and someone to love on. Why is that so hard to find? Each guy that I become interested in always has some quality or another that I just can't get over- maybe he tells little white lies all the time, maybe he drinks too much, maybe we're not interested in the same things, maybe he has a girlfriend...
It gets a little frustrating after a while. I'd love to go out on little dates. I'd love to be chased after a little bit (without it being creepy and/or annoying). I'd love to be loved.
Yet I continue to hear horror stories from my friends who are in relationships, or coming out of relationships. It's scary. I've been through all of those things before, granted it was nearly three years ago. I've still experienced it. I hated it. I hated the breaking up. I hated the confusion and anger and hurt. I hated not knowing.
When I'm single, I just have me. I can't really confuse myself. I can't not communicate well with myself. But I don't have someone who will push me and challenge me to be a better person. I don't have love in my life.
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